My life in movies

I was a scared child.

I was shy and terrified of all things outside my own little world. People were mean, unpredictable and  had little interest in me. So I spent my days in books, make-believe and most of all, movies.

I found appreciation for classical music through Amadaus, Moonstuck and Shine. Sara Connor showed me I could be stronger than any man, physically or otherwise.

I was always a good kid who followed the rules so Ferris Bueller gave me everything I ever wanted in the day off that I never took. The possibility of the perfect day were there in Groundhogs Day (after 34 attempts that is...)

I could have grand adventures even though I often found myself too scared to leave my house. Frodo and Sam took me to the farthest reaches of Middle Earth. The Millennium Falcon took me even farther.

I've fallen in love so many times. John Cusak in Say Anything and again in Grosse Pointe Blank. Indiana Jones. Han Solo. Humphrey Bogart

Or when love proved impossible, I would watch Amelie and know that I could have the courage to make love possible.  It's a Wonderful Life proved to me that every life matters, no matter how small or desperate. City Lights makes me feel that someone might someday see beneath me and view me for who I really am.

I'm not so sure that's true in life anymore.

I grasp at this little wisps of celluloid but can't find a good hand hold. I'm losing a hope that I always used to have. Perhaps I'm just getting old and this is just the natural progression of things.

But I have this nagging fog hanging over me, whispering that love is dead.

And I can't seem to shake it.

Instant, Loud and So Many Things

We are living in an amazing time.

Every bit of information that ever existed can be found or bought with the touch of our fingertips from almost anywhere in the world. I've had flowers to be sent to my mother while standing in a praire in Kansas. I've bought my favorite gummies (only sold in parts of Greece and Turkey) from my living room. I've been at a temple in Kyoto and sent an urgent file to my boss on the other side of the world with my phone. My phone has a power like no other. I can contact anyone. I can ship anything to anywhere. It allows me to travel anywhere and still get work done. Hell, I'm over the Atlantic as I write this.

It's not a perfect object though. It allows us to forgot more easily. (Forgot who that guy in that one movie is? Don't use your brain! Just google it!) It distracts us. (Damn you, Plants Vs Zombies.)  And it interrupts. Like when you're on vacation, in a beautiful Japanese temple, quietly meditating on life when your boss calls in a panic, looking for that one file he needs.

So why am I blathering on about all this stuff that you already know? Because I'm on my second flight of the 36 hour long day and someone has deemed it necessary that I listen to Rihanna.

If your phone makes any noise (ANY NOISE) then you are interrupting someone. You are being rude. It's equivalent to you randomly singing at the top of your lungs. And when I'm just trying to order food or read on the subway or use a public bathroom, it's un-nerving. But honestly, if you pick it up, excuse yourself and leave the area, we will forgive you. It's a phone call. We all get them. It's fine. 

But why, IN THE NAME OF BATMAN, must you watch a YouTube video, listen to music, put your personal call on speaker? I don't like your music. I don't want to know about your mom's hysterectomy. And if you watch a funny cat video on full sound, I will come over and watch over your shoulder. I assumed that is what you wanted since you are sharing that kicky cat music with the rest of the people in this library while I was pretending not to peruse the bodice-ripping romance novels. 

We are all crammed in this together, whether it be the city, an office or in this shiny metal bird. Let's try to remember that we are all inherently selfish assholes then correct that behavior. 

At least until we land.

Denver Comic Con

"We've been to Comic Con." -The Writer Clive Gollings

I'm so happy to have followed in Clive and Graham's footsteps (sort of) and made it to Denver's ComicCon last weekend, which was my very first comic convention. Nothing surprising or shocking about it. (I have done the anime cons for over 10 years now so I'm used to the weird.) But I did notice some differences from this particular venue versus the way Comic Con San Diego is portrayed.

First, I saw no booth babes. There was a flock of rubber bikini clad ladies wandering the floors selling the clothing line but they were just your normal hot chicks. No air-brushed, fake-titted professional models. (Yay for real bodies!) I didn't walk past any booths with a half naked model trying to get me to come check out what she had to offer. And for this, I say thank you! There is really no need to hire a model when there are plenty cute chicks who are true fans. Saying that, there is no need to have hot chicks to lure you in if you have awesome product because there are plenty of people who want cool stuff. Cool stuff (for many of us) = hot chicks. But that's just my humble opinion.

Also, everyone seemed to be much more modest in their cosplay. Sure there were a good number of body suits. There was a lot of cleavage. But compared to some other cons I've been to, I would say that skin wasn't the hottest thing going. I saw more people ask for pictures of the person in the badass Gargoyles cosplay than the half naked chicks. A well crafted and/or clever costume went much further than bare skin. Yay for that as well!

This girl is so fierce I can't even stand it... 

I really love the culture, at least from this particular con, of acceptance and community. Everyone can come together with similar passions and geek out. Want to dress up like Wonder Woman? Cool! Made your costume yourself? No problem. Of a larger body type? No problem. Male? No problem. Now that's not to say that assholes aren't out there and I'm sure someone this weekend didn't have an awesome experience. (In fact, I HIGHLY recommend everyone check out Paige Hall's comic via Epbot that I've linked HERE. It really makes you think twice before getting all judgey...) But I feel that the majority of people felt ok about it. (Please feel free to share your stories, good or bad, in the comments!)

I had a really great time and I can't wait to come back next year. Make sure to check out my next post which will be my interview with the amazing cosplayer Ger Tysk! Also, a huge thank you to my photographer Nick for the amazing shots and hanging out with me.

Long live the Geeks!

A Little Death

Our doggie died today.

It seems like our pets are here for such a short time, perhaps to make it all more special. Still, it seems so cosmically unfair that assholes who happen to be human go on for 90 years and these beautiful creatures who only ask for your love and attention can only hang out for 10 years or so. It's not fucking fair.

His squeaky toys are still strewn around the house. His bed, freshly washed is still next to the bed. I listen for his nails tippy-tapping across the wood floor in the morning. And at night, when I don't feel him pushing up against me, hogging the bed, I again feel that deep sadness all over again.

Their little lives can mean so much and to us he was not only a wonderful friend, great listener, endlessly funny and a cuddle monkey, he was a little bit of a past life that's forever gone. He represented a time when our family was whole. There was no car wreaks or tragic accidents yet. And with him goes one more witness to somewhere we can never travel. And that's the real motherfucker of it all.

My little guy loved me with his full heart, without prejudice. No one has ever loved me like that and I can easily say I am heart broken.

I really wanted to be deep and thoughtful in this post but as I read it back, it's kind of angry and sad and full of curse words. But I guess that's the truth of it.

We miss you Buster and if there's any thing after this, we will meet again.

Bye Bye Baby

I am heart broken.

Buster died today and I've cried so much, so hard my head throbs.

I won't be back for a while but when I do return, I want to tell you all about him.

Good night sweet pooch.