Crazy.

I am crazy for you.

And I think you know what I mean. Not Joaquin Phoenix or Margo Kidder kind of crazy. More like the Marquis de Sade. No wait, bad example. Like Debra Carr. So happy, so incandescent in her joy that she can't help but burst into song, dancing, twirling around the living room with Yule Brena. But where does the music come from? How does everyone know the words? Maybe they're not even there, maybe there is no music...

So when we start dancing and singing and the little blue birds encircle us and the little furry woodland creatures shyly venture out of the forest to greet us, they will come in their crisp white coats and padded wagon to take us away. Together.

But don't cry for us, Argentina. The truth is we never left you. No wall can hold us back and our happiness is like sunshine through the cracks and falling parts. In our matching pajamas, hand in hand, we will skip down to the main gate, tossing over our shoulders the homemade sticks of dynamite we made during arts and crafts time in the sunshine room. The armed guards stead themselves for a fight. They are blinded by a cloud of carnage. Out flies a ninja star, a rubber chicken, a bumper to a 1974 Cheraco. Shooting from the chaos, a photon particle beam nearly misses your head. Grown men cry out for the mommies, running out to the horizon in nothing but their BVDs. Finally, with a war cry that would make a grown man wet his underoos, a Care Bear stare takes out the remaining, whiting out the landscape for a few moments with it's brilliant rainbow, strawberry scented light. The mushroom cloud clears and we emerge from the smoke and dust unblemished, stepping over the piles of unconscience men. And I'll kiss you and say, "I love you", as we ride off into the sunset.

So this is love....

You don't want to forget this.

The way you feel right now. The way that you can't wait to see him. The way you ache when you miss him. The way you just sit and think about how happy you are. Right now.

Never take these moments for granted. This beginning stage where everything is wonderful. You are Cinderella and he is Prince Charming. Little blue birds sew your ball gown and you sing to the mice and they sing right back. There is good and bad and black and white and you are glowing sunshine.

When he forgets your birthday, remember the first time he said he loved you. When he keeps doing that annoying thing you used to think was so cute, remember dancing in your living room to Nat King Cole on the record player while dinner burned in the kitchen. When you have your first knock down, drag out fight, remember that the first present he brought you was canvases so you could paint to your hearts desire.

Now some say that this right here isn't true love. "True love" is not getting divorce after he goes to Vegas with his friends on your anniversary. It's holding her hair back while she puking pepperoni pizza and beer. It's getting up at 4am to feed the baby, even though you have to go to work in 2 hours, so he can sleep a little bit longer. I agree fully, but this too is love.

This shiny, happy moment is gone before you know it. There is more to come, but just don't forget this. It can keep you through the lean times and move you through. Don't ever forget.

I AM NOT DEAD.

No, I'm just unemployed.

So maybe leaving my consulting career was not the best plan. It seems that I timed it perfectly with the economy dropping out...

I've been on about a 50+ interviews and even nailed a few, only to have them offer me a 40% pay cut, to which I would kindly and respectfully tell them to go passionately fuck themselves.

I have been investing well for the past 10 years so I'm not hurting for money, but a girl can't just sit around all day. So everyday I wake up and hit the streets in my stilletos in hope of... well, hope I guess.

I promise to be more diligent in my updating, but may have to restrict it just to weekends though.

Good luck America. I'm right there with you.

The Perfect Sountrack

There are very rare moments that are perfect.

I admit, I am a bit of a perfectionist. I like things leveled, unless it's supposed to be off kilter, then I want it to be perfectly off kilter. Life is not perfect. It's messy and complicated and things never seem to play out the way you want. But there are times when things seem to fall into place, even down to the sountrack of your life.

I was sailing with a small crew around the island of Kauai. The Northwest side is only accessible

The Na Pali Coast

by water because of the cliffs, hills, water and other natural occurrences. The day was cloudy and dreary but perfect for picture taking. The mist clung to the sides of the mossy cliffs as we lounged on the 'trampolines' in the front of the boat. Lunch was served to us, the traditional hawaiian fair: roasted pig, fresh fruit, juice. All incredibly good, especially for just a 5 hour tour. The spinner dolphins were jumping around the boat and playing with a baby whale and it's mother a few hundred feet out. We had yet to reach the top of the island when the weather took a turn for the worse. The dolphins disappeared and the whales headed out to sea. Not a good sign.

The waves suddenly became bigger and chop was getting worse and worse. The storm was coming up on us and fast. The captain decided to cut our trip a little short to get us back before the lightening caught up with us. Thus began a perfect moment. While some of the other guests scurried inside to stay warm and dry, my friends and I clamped down and held on for dear life in the front portion of the boat. The boat was going full speed, hitting the breaks hard, the spray flying up and hitting us in the face. And suddenly, over the loud speakers, of all things, came a Hans Zimmer track straight from "Pirates". We all bounced around, yelling and screaming at the top of our lungs, laughing until we choked on sea water, the crew running up and down the boat and getting soaked to the bone.

It was perfect.

Fired... out of a cannon into the sun.

My father was fired today.

I'm in a state of shock.

This business was ours, the family's business. But after my brother died, my father couldn't do it anymore. There was too much to do and he just couldn't care anymore. So he sold it and all of us continued to work for the new boss. (I was working part time, whenever my job allowed me to come in and lend a hand) But now, a little over a year after the business was sold, I'm the last one standing.

It truly breaks my heart. This store was ours. I've slept here. I've cried here. We've had family dinners and meetings, brokered million dollar deals and done cartwheels down the halls. And now there is no sign of us anywhere. Nothing belongs to us anymore. It's like we never existed here. And once again, my brother's desk is empty.

I'll be updating my resume this week. I think it's time to make a change and this was a huge sign/slap to the fucking face. I'm moving my consulting to part time by August and will be moving forward with a new career ASAP.

This ship is sinking and I'm headed for the shore.