Sappy sweet lovey dovey love. It's torture.
She sat on her couch, me zooming in and out of her kitchen checking the roast she was trying to burn, while she jumped from youtube video to youtube video. I knew it would be a long night when she turned on the Wii, booted up the web browser and typed in "Will you marry me?".
She spent half the evening crying and yelling, "Isn't that so romantic?" She watched the surprising and inventive ways all these men asked their girlfriends to marry them. I wanted to scream back "NO! Can we please watch Frankenstein now?"
So as a backlash to my evening of sappy and annoying love, here is a list of some "romantic" relationships.
- Burt and Linda Pugach
After Lana's 4th marriage she met Johnny at a nightclub. But once she found that he was involved in LA's seedy underworld she tried to leave. Apparently his charm and good looks were too much for her to resist. (that, and his giant shlong and his propensity to kick the crap out of her.) When she was filming Another Time, Another Place with Sean Connery, it's said Johnny became insanely jealous at the idea that Lana and Sean were having an affair (they weren't) and brought a gun to the set. Now Sean, being a badass muthafucka that he is, landed a "I'll mess you up homie."single punch BAM! bitch goes down and he takes the gun from him. (Seriously though, if your gonna be bitch slapped in front of your lady, wouldn't you want it to be Sean Connery?) I digress. On the evening of April 4, 1958 Lana and Johnny were having another knock down drag out fight... so Lana's daughter freaks out, grabs a kitchen knife and gives him a new hole. I bet Joan Crawford would have loved to have her as a daughter instead of that whiny Christina.
- Lana Turner and Johnny Stompanato
- Dan and Betty Broderick
Ain't love grand?