Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Perfect Sountrack

There are very rare moments that are perfect.

I admit, I am a bit of a perfectionist. I like things leveled, unless it's supposed to be off kilter, then I want it to be perfectly off kilter. Life is not perfect. It's messy and complicated and things never seem to play out the way you want. But there are times when things seem to fall into place, even down to the sountrack of your life.

I was sailing with a small crew around the island of Kauai. The Northwest side is only accessible

Na Pali Coast, Kauai, HawaiiThe Na Pali Coast

by water because of the cliffs, hills, water and other natural occurrences. The day was cloudy and dreary but perfect for picture taking. The mist clung to the sides of the mossy cliffs as we lounged on the 'trampolines' in the front of the boat. Lunch was served to us, the traditional hawaiian fair: roasted pig, fresh fruit, juice. All incredibly good, especially for just a 5 hour tour. The spinner dolphins were jumping around the boat and playing with a baby whale and it's mother a few hundred feet out. We had yet to reach the top of the island when the weather took a turn for the worse. The dolphins disappeared and the whales headed out to sea. Not a good sign.

The waves suddenly became bigger and chop was getting worse and worse. The storm was coming up on us and fast. The captain decided to cut our trip a little short to get us back before the lightening caught up with us. Thus began a perfect moment. While some of the other guests scurried inside to stay warm and dry, my friends and I clamped down and held on for dear life in the front portion of the boat. The boat was going full speed, hitting the breaks hard, the spray flying up and hitting us in the face. And suddenly, over the loud speakers, of all things, came a Hans Zimmer track straight from "Pirates". We all bounced around, yelling and screaming at the top of our lungs, laughing until we choked on sea water, the crew running up and down the boat and getting soaked to the bone.

It was perfect.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Fired... out of a cannon into the sun.

My father was fired today.

I'm in a state of shock.

This business was ours, the family's business. But after my brother died, my father couldn't do it anymore. There was too much to do and he just couldn't care anymore. So he sold it and all of us continued to work for the new boss. (I was working part time, whenever my job allowed me to come in and lend a hand) But now, a little over a year after the business was sold, I'm the last one standing.

It truly breaks my heart. This store was ours. I've slept here. I've cried here. We've had family dinners and meetings, brokered million dollar deals and done cartwheels down the halls. And now there is no sign of us anywhere. Nothing belongs to us anymore. It's like we never existed here. And once again, my brother's desk is empty.

I'll be updating my resume this week. I think it's time to make a change and this was a huge sign/slap to the fucking face. I'm moving my consulting to part time by August and will be moving forward with a new career ASAP.

This ship is sinking and I'm headed for the shore.
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Love is the best drag

Good golly I love me some drag queens!

Perhaps it's their hyper femininity or the fact that men make better women than women do but

Divine (actor)Divine indeed.

I just freakin love them!

There was Divine, actor, singer, fabulous person all around. You may remember her playing Tracy's mom in Hairspray. (Don't even talk to me about that hidious remake of the musical.)
RuPaul, who strangely played my favorite she did out of drag, as a councilor at a gay-to-straight


camp in "But I'm A Cheerleader". And who can forget Philip Seymour Hoffman's portrayal in "Flawless"? Well, I don't think anyone saw that movie but me, but it's a classic.

I think I was one in a past life. The outrageous hair, makeup, attitude. They can dare to be as fabulous as they please without a care in the world about what others might think. That is what I truely admire about drag queens. The confidence in their knowledge that they are the greatest thing since the stiletto.

We should all strive for that level of confidence.
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Monday, May 18, 2009

I no longer fear the love song

Nat King ColeThe coolest

Something inside me has changed.

That empty sad thing is faded. I have listened to a love song and not thrown my laptop out the window. It's a miracle! Long live the love song!

PS-feeling much better; the Koala Flu has subsided!

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Friday, May 15, 2009

Still assed out...

NEW YORK - OCTOBER 11:  Johnson & Johnson, inf...Cough, hack, cough

I'm still down and out with this flu.

I'm coming home early from DC so I can get some rest and try to kick this thing. Or at least stop coughing up alien babies. Yuck.

Have a good weekend my chickadees!
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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sick as a pig

Under CC-BY-SA licence.

Damn swine flu.

I would like to refer to it as Koala flu from now on. Much cuter. More attractive sounding.

Stopped up, achy, icky, and all the other accoutrement. Lucky me.

More later, gonna go eat spicy food and sit in the sauna to loosen things up.
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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Man of Mystery

Here he is.

In Italy a few years ago.

Perfect for being a bit mysterious myself, don't you think?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My Dream Jeopardy Categories

I suck at this show.

I never know the answers and even if I do, I always forget to put the answer in the form of a question. Or my buzzer gets stuck. Or the guy next to me kicks me.

So if I could hand pick my categories, these would be the ones.

Sentences that start with "Hey you!"
Swear words
Video and Film Editing
Tastes like Chicken
I scream, you scream, we all scream, "It's OJ! Run bitches!"
Bongs, Dongs and Thongs
FAA Airline Traveler Regulations
Euphemisms for your genitalia
Ways NOT to impress Jodi Foster
Thanks for the Mammories: Real or fake

What are yours?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Essembly days makes me nervous.

Good morning Northside Elementary.

This is Mrs. Bouldus's 4th grade class and the title of my essay is: Things I am grateful for by Ms. Celluloid Thelma Darling.

*clears throat, awkwardly pulls at dress*

People seem to be angry a lot. Traffic, jobs they don't like, their boss who yells a lot.

So I am here to remind everyone of the little everyday things that are good.

  • Popping a really juicy pimple
  • The sound of ice breaking when you pour coke over it.
  • Eating a cookie, even though your mom said no cookies before dinner. Those cookies somehow taste better...
  • Open fields, cause they're perfect for a picnic, red rover, a walk, cartwheels or just feeling the wind go through the little holes between the thread in your clothes and touch your skin.
  • When you let someone into your lane and they wave a little 'thank you' wave.
  • Pee-Wee's playhouse, cause who doesn't want a talking Pterodactyl and personal genie?
  • Pee-wee's Playhouse
  • When you have to pee really really bad and you finally make it to a bathroom and the bathroom is clean and quiet. That's awesome.
  • Making your own ice cream. I once made purple mint ice cream with banana bits in it. It tasted good.
  • Watching your favorite movies and daytime TV when you're home sick.
  • When that perfect song is playing at the perfect moment in life... now this is a rare one. It's your favorite romantic song while slow dancing or that inspiration song comes over the loud speakers during the last game of the season.
  • After several attempts, making the perfect roasted marshmallow
  • The sound of fajitas on a hot plate
  • When someone says, "I love you" and you know they really mean it
  • When you go to the restroom and by the time you come back, you waitress has brought your food, like they somehow knew when you were leaving and coming back.
  • Slow dancing with your husband in the living room
  • When a baby wraps it's tiny hand around your finger
  • SAN FRANCISCO - JULY 5 : An ice cream cone is ...For no reason
  • Having such a good time you don't realize it's already past midnight
  • When you mom or dad picks you up in the middle of the school day just to hang out, go shopping, get ice cream and/or see a movie.
  • When the hot guy with the mohawk at the liquor store smiled at you
  • Stepping into a bucket of beans barefoot without getting thrown out of the farmers market
  • Falling asleep on the couch and having someone walk you to bed and tuck you in
  • Making someone happy and then watching them when they don't know you're looking
  • Ice cream, for no reason
  • The sound that a bunch of colored pencils make then the rattle around in a bin
  • Showering after a long flight
  • When you and your friend know all the words to the same awesome song and sing it loud and off key
  • Dogs
  • When you pull up to a meter and there's still time in it
  • Falling in love with a dress, deciding to buy it even though you can't afford it, then they ring it up on sale! 40% off!
  • When you know the answers to a tv games show and then you feel like the smartest person alive
This concludes my essay. I hope you liked it. I think I might make it a two-parter. Thank you and have a good day. Oh! And Principal Thomas says tomorrow, we are having chicken instead of meat loaf. Thanks.

*Bows and then trips over a shoelace and falls off the stage*

I'm okay!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Room 502

Would you stay here?

For how many nights? One? Maybe two? How about for the rest of your short life? Bwa ha ha ha!!

Ok, dramatic but here's the deal.

This is Waverly Hill Sanatorium in Louisville, Ky. It is considered one of the most haunted places in the states. Opened in1910, it was built to house the steep rise in tuberculosis patients. It soon became overcrowded as the disease spread and another hospital was built.

Some of the treatments seem barbaric by today's standards, while others are still used today. Desperate times... Patients were placed in front of open windows, no matter the weather. (yes, it snows in Kentucky.) Balloons were placed inside lungs and expanded to 'let more oxygen in'.

And then there is the 'body chute'. I'll let you ponder that one for a while. Ok, it's actually much less scary than it sounds. The doctors believed that the sight of wheeling out body after body of those dying from TB would be a real bummer so a tunnel was built to take them away in a more discreet manner. It's not like a laundry chute where you just dump a body after you torture it to death, which is the first thing that came to my sick little brain. It also kept the staff from freezing their butts off in the winter commuting back and forth.

Like many institutions of the day, when TB was squashed by advances in medicine, there were less and less patients and the building began to fall into disrepair. The hospital closed and the building sat there to rot.

Then this happy, sunshiny place was going to be turned into a prison, until the developer ran out of money. Then a christian company bought it and wanted to build the largest statue of Christ EVER on the top of the hill. That didn't pan out either. Finally, the building is being restored by it's new owners and it now lives on as a destination for ghost hunters and thrill seekers. You can sign up for an overnight and wander the ground (for a fee) and scare the crap out of yourself.

And you too can tour the body chute and hang out in room 502. What's so special about room 502 you ask? According to spooky ledgend, a nurse ended her life in that room. It's said she was pregnant with the child of a married doctor who worked in the hospital. She supposedly was part of a abortion that did not go well, then hung herself from the pipes. (Other legends say she jumped from the window.) No matter that the pipes weren't installed until much later or there are no reports or articles about a suicide. Still, creepy story.

It's a very creepy place but I think there are probably scarier places out there. Old abandoned insane asylums, prisons, and other facilities where people were kept.

A friend of mine once told me that every spirit she had ever encountered in her paranormal investigation business was 'good'. (She even did a walk through Colombine High School one night) But after pressing her some more, she said that there was one place, where she would never go back. The things she felt were anger, fear, pain and rage of the people left behind. But that's another story. I don't think this place warrants that kind of fear.

We just love to scare the shit out of ourselves, in any way.