Thursday, April 30, 2009

The thing that won't die

I'm ready to throw something across the room.

Anything. Especially if it will make a satisfying noise when it breaks.

It's been over 3 months since the asshole murdered my car and over 1 month since the other asshole hurt my new car and I have yet to see a freaking penny from either aforementioned asshole.

I called the DA about the hit and run and he said that he did plead guilty (the lucky bastard

Just Another Asshole LP cover

stuck a deal for just community service) and now there will be a hearing about compensation that I must attend. Great. So I miss another day of work. Love that. Then he has to agree on compensation and if he gets all uppity and thinks my medical bills are too much, then we go to trial. Cross your fingers.

Then I called my insurance to ask about my other accident, about my new car. They have seemed to forgot about me. They apparently called the red neck's insurance THREE WHOLE TIMES but they have yet to call back. So into subjugation it goes. Well I'm glad they've been so on top of things. Must have been stressful to leave a message with the red neck's insurance less than once a week for the past month.

So I'm sitting here, minus a thousand dollars just in deductible fees, and no one seems to be able to help me get back what's mine. So I guess it's gonna be me.

Excuse me, I have to go get some law books, hire a new, nut-cracking lawyer and give some fair warning to my insurance company, who I will be dropping due to their lack of service and skill.

And maybe I'll buy a flame thrower. Just in case none of that stuff works.
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009


WarriorsOverkill or new fashion trend?

It's a serious issue.

People are dying.

But I will not be forced to panic, to be pushed into a fearful rant because of the Swine Flu. (or the Mexico flu, to be politically correct to my Israeli friends... which is just dumb. Swine = bad... Flu = bad. Swine Flu = double bad. Not offensive to the Jews! I don't understand...)

The news, bloggers and neighbors alike are flipping out, trying to get me to flip out. Not. Gonna. Do. It.

Epidemic, by defination, yes. Pandemic... not yet my wildly panicking friends. People are talking about the black plague, yellow fever, small pox. Wow.

Come and talk to me in 3 months and lets see where it is then. Then we can talk about a pandemic.

AIDS effect every single person in certain African countries, whether it be having it, a parent, child or sibling having it or a friend having it. In Botswana, almost 1 in 4 have AIDS. (Check the CDC's website for more info) Over a million people, mostly children, die of malaria every year. There is some awful crap out there.... Be grateful for your health, take a deep breath and don't freak out. Thanks.

Oh yeah, and wash your hands.

If you really do want to know, go here-
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Monday, April 27, 2009

The New Guy


I've been seeing The Mad Scientist for about 2 months now.

I went back to my list (see March 2nd blog) to see how he stacks up. It's scary. I think I may have got what I asked for.

So he was helping me cook dinner and I looked at him and thought about what exactly would we fight about. What would he do to hurt me? What will I do to disappoint him? What is it that will bug the crap out of us about each other?

We made love (I hate that expression but it's really the best words for it) and it was again, amazing. Mind blowing. Beautiful. So not creepy, awkward or gross like it has been with others. He held me, kissed my face, told me I was beautiful, and that little mean voice inside of me didn't jolt up and scream "Nah uh!". (Titus calls in your inner retard...) Afterward, as I was laying there, trying to think of something not stupid to say, I realized that I really felt something for this person. It was more than just having fun and getting along and laughing together. More than his great body, cool career, positive attitude or kindness toward

good morning!!!

s me. More than him always trying to pay for our dates, that he doesn't mind staying in to cook and watch a movie or the way he holds me.There was something else brewing.

I didn't think of anything to say.

I have fear. Fear that he doesn't feel the same way. But that's what this is all about. I have to jump head first. He's worth that. I may get broken again but this one seems worthy of a break if need be.

I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Oooo... preeeeetty

I don't really have anything to say about Paris or anything; I just liked this photo, taken by a good friend of mine. I love the glow-y street lights. Makes me want to go back and wander around Paris at night. (with a gun taped to my back and a taser in my purse, but still...)

Just thought I would share it with you.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Girl porn...

One of my best and oldest friends recently wrote an article about the idea of the "Magic Man" and it really got me thinking...

Does any man stand a chance?

Our "porn" is something so much different that what men watch. We read books, watch TV and movies and fall in love with characters that speak to our heart first then we are physically

Edward Scissorhandswatch those hands mister

attracted to them later. (usually, not always. Sometimes, it's the other way around. Hello Drover from 'Australia'...) Like Erin mentioned, Edward Scissorhands was one of her first fictional crushes. Shy, deeply kind and sweet. Thoughtful. Beautiful. For me, my first crush was Wolverine. Brooding, loyal, fierce. Women would throw themselves at him but he stayed true. The prince battles the brambles and giant evil dragon to kiss Aurora. Rhett drives through a city ablaze to keep Scarlett and the other safe. Devlin uses all his cunning to get Alicia out of the clutches of the Nazis. I even fell in love with the portly Albert (Kevin James) when I stood up to a board of old codgers for his lady love.

But then you take all that then consider, does any woman stand a chance?

The plastic dolls with the surprised look on their faces seem to be no match for our curves, stray hairs and other 'imperfections'. Sure, we can have some elective surgery done. New boobs. Bigger lips. Lipo here,

Kevin James in Las Vegas, Nevada in November 2007

here and here. And buy up all the shoes with clear, acrylic heels. There. You are now a real life pleasure doll. As for your attitude adjustment... You must be bold, attentive and if I know my rap songs, "a lady on the street and a freak in the bed". This is what many, many guys watch for their own gratification. And honestly, it's not completely unattainable. Do I want to be that? Hell to the no. But it's possible.

But if we turn the tables again, men are screwed. They can't fly, do magic, or beat up our harassers without a busted nose and a week in county. Heck, most my old boyfriends couldn't even cook.

So here's my moral to the story. We suburban mortals can't be Superman or Jenna Jamison. (And thank GOD!) As much as we want a sex kitten or a beautiful vampire, I'm not sure we would really want them once we had them. We will always want the magic man or the porno goddess but maybe there are more attainable characters out there.

Title page from the first edition of Pride and...

There are fictional figures that are reachable. There are men that reach out from the pages of fiction who get us all swoony and sweaty. Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Arrogance turned to regret and redemption. Speaking his mind. Great love for his dear sister. Smoldering. I guess it's something to strive for...

Because in the end, we are princesses who want to be held, kissed, listened to and loved. We deserve a prince. You don't have to slay a dragon. Just tell us we look beautiful and listen about how our day was. And we will try to buy a push up bra. Deal?
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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

1000 days til night

We are now under 1000 days until Armageddon.

Ok so maybe not.

2012 is (supposedly) the year we all die... or the sun explodes or all the nuclear bombs simultaneously explode or the poles reverse or something.

In late December, the Mayan calender finishes it's thirteenth cycle and many believe that this date (either the 21st or the 23rd depending on how you decipher the documents) is when the Mayans predicted the end of the world in one form or another. The date is written on many different walls and surviving representations and obviously it was important to the Mayans but end of the world?

So I'm sure you are as curious as I am... How will it all end? Well, the most popular answer seems to be that the world will reach it's tipping point. It can no longer sustain life after we have warmed, polluted and destroyed it so completely. This could mean another ice age or perhaps just a massive seizure that causes weather to flip out. Volcanoes erupts all over, hurricanes, tornadoes, boiling rivers, raining lizards, all that kind of biblical stuff. (and don't you just know some crazy asshole will stand up in the middle of the chaos and declare himself Jesus...) The sudden change in climate destroys crops all over the world and millions die of starvation. Those in already hot or cold climates die of exposure in their own homes.

Another theory is a little more cosmic and mystical. Some think the Mayans understood the universe WAY more than we do (alien conspiracy anyone?) and they knew about some kind of cosmic bitch slap headed our way. On Dec. 21st, it will be the winter solstice, that is true. But believers think it will begin a new age. It will be less explosions and death, and more of a new awakening and enlightenment of our entire race. (perhaps finally knowing of other life in the universe, ei-ET phoned home and now he's back bitches!)

But if you wanna get really scary, if you really wanna shit your pants, let's talk about Doomsday. Other theorist warn of global catastrophe. A third world war, global warming causes famine and drought that leads to plague and pandemics. Society will fall apart and it basically turns into Road Warrior, but hopefully with less Leather Daddys and more Tina Turner.

Then if you want to go all religious there is even more to fear. The earth cracks open and the four horseman pop up for a cuddle. This is Revelations people. First comes Pestilence, then War, Famine, then the forth seal will be broken and the last rises. "And I beheld, and lo a pale horse; and he that sat on him was called Death, and Hell followed with him."

And at the same time, Mayan scholars suggest that the date on the Mayan calender merely is the restart of the calender. Nothing more. You come to the end, then start up again.

There are many many theories. A large object, "Planet X", will pass so closely to us it will shift our poles and ending civilization as we know it. Solar flares go crazy, knocking out the worlds communication sending us into a tailspin of chaos. On that day, machines finally become aware and it's the beginning of the end for the human race. Science experiment goes horribly wrong and a horrible medicine resistant disease is released on the entire world. The ozone disappears and the radiation from the sun kills half of us while the other half mutate and adapt. I could go on and on.

My mother and I were discussing this the other day. She had this to say. Imagine yourself in Europe in the early 1300's. People were dropping like flies, not just in your town but all over the world. The priests and monks, men of G-d, those sworn to help the sick and dying, where all dead. Accusations fly back and forth: earthquakes, monsters, Jews poisoning wells, or simply G-d's wrath. Food became scarce when trading is cut off by the government to try and control the spread. War broke out in England, Scotland and France. Wouldn't you look around and think, "My word, the end is near!"? Over and over again in history, we see the world in dramatic situations. Hard times come in waves. But life goes on.

I don't assume to know anything about the universe. I have only what I believe. I believe everything will be ok. I don't know how or when or why. I don't know a thing. I believe that life always finds a way. And I follow life.

So take that, Nostradamus, and shove that up your pipe!
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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Happy Easter

And by that, I mean, what the fuck?

I don't get Easter. Yes, I understand that Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus after he died for the world's sins. It's a very important holiday for many religious people all over the world.

Blue Easter.

But how in holy hell did bunnies and baby chicks, pastels, and colored eggs have anything to do with that?

And who made up that a bunny would lay these colored eggs then hide them for little kids to find? And who said, "Make the eggs chocolate, filled with marshmallow!"

In other countries, they have Easter fires, they silence the church bells, skiing, watching murder mysteries on TV, spanking in public(thanks Czech Republic!), and the sprinkling of perfumed water.

I'm so confused!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Out for the count

Bleu alexandrin...!!!I'm out of the office this week, working from home/on the go.
Have a great week everyone and see you on Monday.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Happy 100!


You have entered my 100th post! It seems just like yesterday my blog was just a little newling, tottling around with only a dozen posts. Just look at it now! It makes a mother so proud.

Happy birthday Dollhouse! Cheers, to a hundred more!

Much love,
Celluloid Darling

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Not Impossible

They say it can't be done.

They say there is no way to get a good feel for the city in one week. They can suck it. I'm still going to try.

I'm planning my trip to London today and I feel like I've just scratched the surface. As far as basic places to visit and experience, this is what I've been told so far from family and friends:

St. Paul's Cathedral (due to my interest about the home front during WWII)
The London Eye (cause who doesn't like a giant ferris wheel?)
London Eye

The Natural History Museum
Tower of London (it's morbid; what else is there?)
Buckingham Palace (so that I may flip off the Queen... or just wave. Whichever)
Houses of Parliament (V for Vendetta?)
The Shakespeare Globe Theater (and see a play, of course)
King's Cross (because I'm a giant dork)
London Zoo
Abby Road

Any other brilliant ideas?

ps-my face continues to fall off. Just so you know.