Monday, April 27, 2009
The New Guy
I went back to my list (see March 2nd blog) to see how he stacks up. It's scary. I think I may have got what I asked for.
So he was helping me cook dinner and I looked at him and thought about what exactly would we fight about. What would he do to hurt me? What will I do to disappoint him? What is it that will bug the crap out of us about each other?
We made love (I hate that expression but it's really the best words for it) and it was again, amazing. Mind blowing. Beautiful. So not creepy, awkward or gross like it has been with others. He held me, kissed my face, told me I was beautiful, and that little mean voice inside of me didn't jolt up and scream "Nah uh!". (Titus calls in your inner retard...) Afterward, as I was laying there, trying to think of something not stupid to say, I realized that I really felt something for this person. It was more than just having fun and getting along and laughing together. More than his great body, cool career, positive attitude or kindness toward
I didn't think of anything to say.
I have fear. Fear that he doesn't feel the same way. But that's what this is all about. I have to jump head first. He's worth that. I may get broken again but this one seems worthy of a break if need be.
I'll keep you posted.