Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Girl porn...

One of my best and oldest friends recently wrote an article about the idea of the "Magic Man" and it really got me thinking...

Does any man stand a chance?

Our "porn" is something so much different that what men watch. We read books, watch TV and movies and fall in love with characters that speak to our heart first then we are physically

Edward Scissorhandswatch those hands mister

attracted to them later. (usually, not always. Sometimes, it's the other way around. Hello Drover from 'Australia'...) Like Erin mentioned, Edward Scissorhands was one of her first fictional crushes. Shy, deeply kind and sweet. Thoughtful. Beautiful. For me, my first crush was Wolverine. Brooding, loyal, fierce. Women would throw themselves at him but he stayed true. The prince battles the brambles and giant evil dragon to kiss Aurora. Rhett drives through a city ablaze to keep Scarlett and the other safe. Devlin uses all his cunning to get Alicia out of the clutches of the Nazis. I even fell in love with the portly Albert (Kevin James) when I stood up to a board of old codgers for his lady love.

But then you take all that then consider, does any woman stand a chance?

The plastic dolls with the surprised look on their faces seem to be no match for our curves, stray hairs and other 'imperfections'. Sure, we can have some elective surgery done. New boobs. Bigger lips. Lipo here,

Kevin James in Las Vegas, Nevada in November 2007

here and here. And buy up all the shoes with clear, acrylic heels. There. You are now a real life pleasure doll. As for your attitude adjustment... You must be bold, attentive and if I know my rap songs, "a lady on the street and a freak in the bed". This is what many, many guys watch for their own gratification. And honestly, it's not completely unattainable. Do I want to be that? Hell to the no. But it's possible.

But if we turn the tables again, men are screwed. They can't fly, do magic, or beat up our harassers without a busted nose and a week in county. Heck, most my old boyfriends couldn't even cook.

So here's my moral to the story. We suburban mortals can't be Superman or Jenna Jamison. (And thank GOD!) As much as we want a sex kitten or a beautiful vampire, I'm not sure we would really want them once we had them. We will always want the magic man or the porno goddess but maybe there are more attainable characters out there.

Title page from the first edition of Pride and...

There are fictional figures that are reachable. There are men that reach out from the pages of fiction who get us all swoony and sweaty. Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Arrogance turned to regret and redemption. Speaking his mind. Great love for his dear sister. Smoldering. I guess it's something to strive for...

Because in the end, we are princesses who want to be held, kissed, listened to and loved. We deserve a prince. You don't have to slay a dragon. Just tell us we look beautiful and listen about how our day was. And we will try to buy a push up bra. Deal?
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