Our doggie died today.
It seems like our pets are here for such a short time, perhaps to make it all more special. Still, it seems so cosmically unfair that assholes who happen to be human go on for 90 years and these beautiful creatures who only ask for your love and attention can only hang out for 10 years or so. It's not fucking fair.
His squeaky toys are still strewn around the house. His bed, freshly washed is still next to the bed. I listen for his nails tippy-tapping across the wood floor in the morning. And at night, when I don't feel him pushing up against me, hogging the bed, I again feel that deep sadness all over again.
Their little lives can mean so much and to us he was not only a wonderful friend, great listener, endlessly funny and a cuddle monkey, he was a little bit of a past life that's forever gone. He represented a time when our family was whole. There was no car wreaks or tragic accidents yet. And with him goes one more witness to somewhere we can never travel. And that's the real motherfucker of it all.
My little guy loved me with his full heart, without prejudice. No one has ever loved me like that and I can easily say I am heart broken.
I really wanted to be deep and thoughtful in this post but as I read it back, it's kind of angry and sad and full of curse words. But I guess that's the truth of it.
We miss you Buster and if there's any thing after this, we will meet again.