Oooo... preeeeetty

I don't really have anything to say about Paris or anything; I just liked this photo, taken by a good friend of mine. I love the glow-y street lights. Makes me want to go back and wander around Paris at night. (with a gun taped to my back and a taser in my purse, but still...)

Just thought I would share it with you.

Girl porn...

One of my best and oldest friends recently wrote an article about the idea of the "Magic Man" and it really got me thinking...

Does any man stand a chance?

Our "porn" is something so much different that what men watch. We read books, watch TV and movies and fall in love with characters that speak to our heart first then we are physically

watch those hands mister

attracted to them later. (usually, not always. Sometimes, it's the other way around. Hello Drover from 'Australia'...) Like Erin mentioned, Edward Scissorhands was one of her first fictional crushes. Shy, deeply kind and sweet. Thoughtful. Beautiful. For me, my first crush was Wolverine. Brooding, loyal, fierce. Women would throw themselves at him but he stayed true. The prince battles the brambles and giant evil dragon to kiss Aurora. Rhett drives through a city ablaze to keep Scarlett and the other safe. Devlin uses all his cunning to get Alicia out of the clutches of the Nazis. I even fell in love with the portly Albert (Kevin James) when I stood up to a board of old codgers for his lady love.

But then you take all that then consider, does any woman stand a chance?

The plastic dolls with the surprised look on their faces seem to be no match for our curves, stray hairs and other 'imperfections'. Sure, we can have some elective surgery done. New boobs. Bigger lips. Lipo here,

here and here. And buy up all the shoes with clear, acrylic heels. There. You are now a real life pleasure doll. As for your attitude adjustment... You must be bold, attentive and if I know my rap songs, "a lady on the street and a freak in the bed". This is what many, many guys watch for their own gratification. And honestly, it's not completely unattainable. Do I want to be that? Hell to the no. But it's possible.

But if we turn the tables again, men are screwed. They can't fly, do magic, or beat up our harassers without a busted nose and a week in county. Heck, most my old boyfriends couldn't even cook.

So here's my moral to the story. We suburban mortals can't be Superman or Jenna Jamison. (And thank GOD!) As much as we want a sex kitten or a beautiful vampire, I'm not sure we would really want them once we had them. We will always want the magic man or the porno goddess but maybe there are more attainable characters out there.

There are fictional figures that are reachable. There are men that reach out from the pages of fiction who get us all swoony and sweaty. Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Arrogance turned to regret and redemption. Speaking his mind. Great love for his dear sister. Smoldering. I guess it's something to strive for...

Because in the end, we are princesses who want to be held, kissed, listened to and loved. We deserve a prince. You don't have to slay a dragon. Just tell us we look beautiful and listen about how our day was. And we will try to buy a push up bra. Deal?

1000 days til night

We are now under 1000 days until Armageddon.

Ok so maybe not.

2012 is (supposedly) the year we all die... or the sun explodes or all the nuclear bombs simultaneously explode or the poles reverse or something.

In late December, the Mayan calender finishes it's thirteenth cycle and many believe that this date (either the 21st or the 23rd depending on how you decipher the documents) is when the Mayans predicted the end of the world in one form or another. The date is written on many different walls and surviving representations and obviously it was important to the Mayans but end of the world?

So I'm sure you are as curious as I am... How will it all end? Well, the most popular answer seems to be that the world will reach it's tipping point. It can no longer sustain life after we have warmed, polluted and destroyed it so completely. This could mean another ice age or perhaps just a massive seizure that causes weather to flip out. Volcanoes erupts all over, hurricanes, tornadoes, boiling rivers, raining lizards, all that kind of biblical stuff. (and don't you just know some crazy asshole will stand up in the middle of the chaos and declare himself Jesus...) The sudden change in climate destroys crops all over the world and millions die of starvation. Those in already hot or cold climates die of exposure in their own homes.

Another theory is a little more cosmic and mystical. Some think the Mayans understood the universe WAY more than we do (alien conspiracy anyone?) and they knew about some kind of cosmic bitch slap headed our way. On Dec. 21st, it will be the winter solstice, that is true. But believers think it will begin a new age. It will be less explosions and death, and more of a new awakening and enlightenment of our entire race. (perhaps finally knowing of other life in the universe, ei-ET phoned home and now he's back bitches!)

But if you wanna get really scary, if you really wanna shit your pants, let's talk about Doomsday. Other theorist warn of global catastrophe. A third world war, global warming causes famine and drought that leads to plague and pandemics. Society will fall apart and it basically turns into Road Warrior, but hopefully with less Leather Daddys and more Tina Turner.

Then if you want to go all religious there is even more to fear. The earth cracks open and the four horseman pop up for a cuddle. This is Revelations people. First comes Pestilence, then War, Famine, then the forth seal will be broken and the last rises. "And I beheld, and lo a pale horse; and he that sat on him was called Death, and Hell followed with him."

And at the same time, Mayan scholars suggest that the date on the Mayan calender merely is the restart of the calender. Nothing more. You come to the end, then start up again.

There are many many theories. A large object, "Planet X", will pass so closely to us it will shift our poles and ending civilization as we know it. Solar flares go crazy, knocking out the worlds communication sending us into a tailspin of chaos. On that day, machines finally become aware and it's the beginning of the end for the human race. Science experiment goes horribly wrong and a horrible medicine resistant disease is released on the entire world. The ozone disappears and the radiation from the sun kills half of us while the other half mutate and adapt. I could go on and on.

My mother and I were discussing this the other day. She had this to say. Imagine yourself in Europe in the early 1300's. People were dropping like flies, not just in your town but all over the world. The priests and monks, men of G-d, those sworn to help the sick and dying, where all dead. Accusations fly back and forth: earthquakes, monsters, Jews poisoning wells, or simply G-d's wrath. Food became scarce when trading is cut off by the government to try and control the spread. War broke out in England, Scotland and France. Wouldn't you look around and think, "My word, the end is near!"? Over and over again in history, we see the world in dramatic situations. Hard times come in waves. But life goes on.

I don't assume to know anything about the universe. I have only what I believe. I believe everything will be ok. I don't know how or when or why. I don't know a thing. I believe that life always finds a way. And I follow life.

So take that, Nostradamus, and shove that up your pipe!

Happy Easter

And by that, I mean, what the fuck?

I don't get Easter. Yes, I understand that Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus after he died for the world's sins. It's a very important holiday for many religious people all over the world.

But how in holy hell did bunnies and baby chicks, pastels, and colored eggs have anything to do with that?

And who made up that a bunny would lay these colored eggs then hide them for little kids to find? And who said, "Make the eggs chocolate, filled with marshmallow!"

In other countries, they have Easter fires, they silence the church bells, skiing, watching murder mysteries on TV, spanking in public(thanks Czech Republic!), and the sprinkling of perfumed water.

I'm so confused!

Out for the count

I'm out of the office this week, working from home/on the go.
Have a great week everyone and see you on Monday.