Let me make this clear: I hate Celine Dion.

And that movie was pure cheese. But this is not as lame as you think...

On April 14 of this year, it will be th 100th aniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Don't start retching yet... we all know the basics. Water tight compartments, big egos and one big chunk of ice. And we have all probably seen the movie. (and if you haven't, you'll have a chance again when Cameron re-releases in April, just in case he didn't get you the first time...)

According to Nick Barratt's Lost Voices from the Titanic, there were 2201 people on board that night and only 711 made it home. If you were on the ship, you had the best chances of making it out alive if you were a first or second class child. Worst chances if you were third class adult male. 

There were three ships built under the same contract: Titanic, Britannic and Olympic were all to be built one right after another in similar fashions. All are gone now. Obviously the Titanic sunk, the Britannic was hit by a torpedo by an enemy sub during WW1 and the Olympic had 24 years on the ocean before it was scraped for metal. (Not that the Olympic had a quiet life at all: crashes, mutiny and and more than one rescue mission.) The closest thing you can get to any of these ships (namely a "Titanic" type experience) would be to travel to the White Swan Hotel in Northumberland, England. When the Olympic was being scraped, they also sold of entire rooms, to which the White Swan bought the paneling, fixtures, etc from the first class louge, as well as one of the grand staircases. Since both the Olympic and Titanic were built with practically the same plans only a year or so apart, one could sit in that room in Northumberland and imagine life on the Titanic, for a breif moment.

In the interest of interest (and moving forward in a positive direction) I'm planning a super fun and geeky event that I'm really excited about and I had to share. To observe this moment in history (yay history!) I'm throwing a dinner party. I'm a girl that loves her theme parties and even more when history is involved. When recovering wreckage, 2 menus were found. One from 2nd class, another from 1st. So I will be cooking several courses from the 1st class restaurant. (That night, there were over 12 courses but I'll only serve about 6 or 7.)

I'm making decorations and I'll be searching for period music of the time. I'll also be playing the movie! (NOT the 1997 film, not that it doesn't have it's place. I'll be showing 1958's A Night To Remember based on Walter Lord's book. Yay for a night without Celine Dion!)

Pictures will be posted as I prepare invites and props, and of course the meal, so stay tuned!

*Geeky squeal*

A Hard Day and a Dark Hole.

Today is hard.

Some days are easier. I can hop out of bed, go to the gym, run errands, apply for work, clean the house. I can't seem to do that today.

I'm a bit pathetic at the moment. Curled up in front of my computer, under the covers. I am with out a job or income besides being able to sell things online and at consignment stores. The house is a mess. I've gained weight and I hate the way I look right now. I wish I were smaller. My husband, at his gratifying and well paying job, is sexually unsatisfied with me. My parents feel neglected. My friends move on without me. I'm alone here, under the covers.

Unemployed friends and acquiescence were with me once, part of the disenfranchised and unpaid looking for work here and there. It was our little club where we could support each other, laugh at terrible interview stories and the desperate search for the silliest jobs.. But now, I look around the club house and find I'm all alone and so scared of more failure.

Why won't anyone hire me? I've spent hours on my resume, given it to no less than 7 people to review. I desperately try to speak to a person, get an interview, even to just look someone in the eye, proof to myself that I've made it to this step, that someone has noticed me.

I feel this physical hurt through me. I grit my teeth and rub my legs, like I can somehow push the sad out through my toes. Wouldn't that be good?

I make no money, therefore I have no worth.
I have no career, therefore I am of no concern.
If I were on ebay, no one would bid.
If I were at a swap meet, I'd be in the free pile.

Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I just paint and sew and not feel a crushing guilt of being without a 'path'? Is it true I can't be an artist unless I can live off my earnings? I feel it must be true. I watch the credits at the end of a movie, the long list of names; they all have careers. All my facebook friends update about how they hate their jobs. Someone had to assemble this computer, sell it, ship it. All those people were paid to do that. The garbage man outside my window. The person who designed these sheets. Every building full of people working on something.

I miss my brother. I feel like he would understand. I imagine it in my head: He sees me struggling, sad and he would come over to see me, pizza and video games in hand and we would spend the rest of the day talking, stuffing our faces and killing zombies. Then we would drive in his car and get dinner and he would tell me that it's just a rough patch and it would be ok. He would help me find something, somehow.

I'm going to allow myself a shower to feel all this. About 30 minutes to feel bad, cry and hate myself. Then I'm getting up, getting dressed, putting on makeup and going out into the world, looking good so no one will know. (Because as much as I hope someone will notice, I hope even more that they don't.) I'll feel better later, when I get over myself, when I realize there are people starving, people that have cancer, people who suffer while I lie here warm, under 300 count covers.

I have to reference one of my favorite people here, because I think she nailed it on the head. It makes me feel not so bad and made me smile.

Deep breath. Here I go.

Mexican Hot Chocolate or Happy Holidays, you snooty bitches.

I'm a fraud.

Yes gourmet eaters, I am a sham so feel free to turn your noses up at me. The following recipe will make you shutter.

1 packet Swiss Miss or whatever decent coco mix you have
1 cup of milk
some dark chocolate nibs
couple shakes of Cinnamon
a shake of Cayenne (careful, it's stronger than you think)
Whipped cream, if you want... and you do.

Heat milk in a pan with chocolate nibs and cocoa packet, continuously stirring or the milk will burn. Ick.
Once it's steaming and the chocolate is melted into the milk, pour into glass.  Add cinnamon, cayenne to taste. You must add whipped cream or you can't be my friend. Unless you're lactose intolerant, then it's ok.
Don't burn your tongue and enjoy!

Yeah, it's mostly mix. I don't care. Suck my holiday cheer.
Happy Holidays bitches!

Ok, so I'm a little dead...

Death is a bit of an eggageration.

So I've been away on my honeymoon for a few weeks or so and I'm finally recovered enough to crawl to my keyboard and tell you all (nobody) what I've been up to. Soooo lets see...

• I got married
• Had not one but two receptions, each in a different state
• Continued looking for work, running errands, cleaning, organizing and packing
• Flew to Europe
• Skipped though Paris
• Danced though Italy
• Food poisoned hubby
• And a partridge in a fucking pear tree! Yay!

So now I'm back and ready to move ahead with some amazing and riviting stories of the natural and not-so-natural world! 

Glad to be home!

Mmmm, cookies...

Ginger molasses cookies. Fuck yeah.

2 1/4 cups flour
2 or so tsp ginger
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
1 pinch of salt
1 1/2 sticks of butter (yeah, that's a lot, shut up and do it.)
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 Tbsp water
1/4 molasses (I like the super dark molasses but any kind will do)
more sugar for dipping

1. Eventually you will need to preheat the oven to 350 but you don't acutally have to do that first thing. It's gonna be at least 45 min before you can stick these mounds of yummy fun (not a euphamisim) in the oven.

2. Mix dry stuff. Flour, ginger, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt and leave it someplace on the counter that you won't knock it over. (true story)

3. Cream sugar and butter. (ie mix the two together until it's a creamy mixture. If you have a mixer, use it.) Then toss in the egg, then water and molasses. Once that's all mixed, then slowly add the dry stuff.

4. Importante senors y senoritas! Let it set in the fridge for at least 25-30 minutes so that when you do the next thing, the dough isn't stuck to every part of you it touches. You have been warned.

5. Take a chunk, roll in your hand to make a ball, squish to a flat-ish shape. (I like to clap my hands together then simulate the cookie dough squish death.) Then take the happy ginger discus and toss it in a bowl with sugar in it. Coat well. Arrange on cookie sheet.

6. Toss into oven. 8-10 minutes. They will be a bit gooey so let them cool for a bit and they'll firm up.

7. Shovel into mouth.

Or if you live in my house, hide them from a certain someone who is addicted and eats them all before I can shovel them into my mouth. You know who you are.

Happy Hanukkah or whatever is coming up next month! Who cares?! Cookies!