I wish I was more original.
I wish that I could be different and not want the things that are so cliche. So lame. So expected. But I'm sorry. I am the way I am. And I want to get married via lovely wedding.
I want a beautiful, meaningful wedding. Twenty of our closest friends and family join us for a very short secular ceremony. Then we have a tasteful and thoughtful cocktail reception. It's styled and lit. It has those little details people appreciate. Our guest can look around at our beautiful ceremony space and think how lovely it all is. I want to feel beautiful. My dress will be special and make me feel special for just one day. It will be stress-free enough that I can feel nothing but excited and happy to be marrying my dream fella. I'll just sit in my dress, drink a glass of champagne, and smile without worry about details, relatives or how much in debt we are for this one day. I get to be the prettiest girl in the room for one day in my whole life; the one day it's supposed to be about me.
I wish I would be ok with just running down to the court house. I wish we could just run off to europe and get married. I wish I didn't think those options were tacky and sad. (and that my mother would stab me if I did that...) I wish I didn't want this thing I've envisioned in my head since I was little. I wish I didn't care about a dress, a moment, a photo taken at a special moment.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a fucking girl. Fuck.